Separation

This past weekend, my sister, Hannah, and her boyfriend, John, visited – and we had a lot of fun.

cowgirl

Requisite terrible bar picture.

It’s possible I might have even had too much fun. We ate (fried pickles) and drank (sangria) and stayed up late. We danced and sang and walked around in the sun. After they left to return to Colorado, I felt listless and tired – which is an uncomfortable combination of feelings. I always have such a hard time when friends leave, especially Hannah.

hannahmemadrid

For the first couple years of college, every time I left my parents’ home to return to Maine was so wrenching I spent the majority of the four hour drive in tears. I couldn’t even talk to Hannah on the phone from my dorm room because all that came out was tears. (Side note: I actually had a landline phone in my dorm room. Crazy!) See, we had been so close, for so long. We even slept in the same small bed, mostly by choice, throughout high school and junior high. When you have a history like that, it isn’t just the person you miss, when you start “growing up” – it’s that time. And the realization you will never have that time again. It’s nostalgia, for sure, and more than that too. It’s what happens to sisters and brothers and close friends throughout your life – a separation.

Indeed, there are wonderful things that happen when you fearlessly start your own life and I’ve always made sure to focus on learning and growing into my own, because I believe eventually, it will help build a strong, happy soul and the details will come together. Though this means I’ve often worked side by side with mental drive – and a little pain in my heart for the people and places I can’t be with. I blame physics. Never mind the god particle – start figuring out a way for me to be in 5 places at once, please!

Then I reminded myself how lucky I am to have Hannah close enough to visit without flying – as I have to do with nearly everyone else I love. And I satisfied part of my sadness with the thought of visiting Denver this July.

I hope Andrew and I can have an adventurous road trip, possibly even just taking the bike – packing light, wearing bandannas and boots, and setting off into the desert!

I used to love traveling like that and did it frequently in my twenties. It must be done by car, bus , motorcycle or maybe, caravan. I actually persist in traveling like this by plane, with a grocery store tote bag and backpack for luggage, though it is pretty unpractical.

moto

There is something freeing about traveling light and with little planning. You don’t have to worry about what to wear because you only brought two sets of clothes. You don’t worry about making deadlines because you didn’t set any. You don’t set alarms or even shower regularly – and it is so fun. It forces you to live in the moment. I think you see a lot more. It makes you feel strong and able to do anything. It clears your mind and at least for me, brings so much pure happiness.

Painted desert, ca. 2006

Painted desert, circa 2006

Bye for now,

Em

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