I don’t know what I believe about fate, but lately, it seems I’ve experienced a series of… oh, let’s say it: unfortunate events.
I turned 30. (At least I was wearing this while doing it.)
A lady from Massachusetts crashed into my car. No joke, the first thing she said to me, post-wreck: “Are there any Dunkin’ Donuts around here?”
Plus a number of other things, having to do with people I love and also, the pipes in our century-old house being made of clay and therefore, crumbling into dirt. I’m serious when I say, I am grateful no one has died – KNOCK ON WOOD.
And frankly, I’ve been wondering if it’s all just bad luck or if – I somehow deserved it. I know that’s silly. I don’t usually think like that, as if things in life are out of my own control. I like to think I control everything. But as Vincent, the teacher in the Defensive Driving class I rather ironically had to take for work (unrelated to the accident, but only a week afterward) said: You can only control yourself and your vehicle. Of course, the vehicle part doesn’t always apply. But you get the gist. It’s hard to realize you don’t control everything and even with practical precautions and good choices, something can just slam into the side of your life, creating sadness and injury and questions like: What could I have done to avoid this? Was it somehow my fault?
Turning 30 was totally my fault.
How do people cope when things go awry? The comedienne, Tig Notaro, has a funny/sad act about just this kind of thing. You can listen to some of her stuff via podcast here: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/contributors/tig-notaro
This is how I’ve coped: I bought an iPhone… and an iPad. I’ve walked with Mesa along arroyos and snowy ridges. I cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner, complete with 13 lb turkey, for just Andrew and I. I organized a lot of my crap. I’ve started reading more. And more. I sewed up these little handwarmers for Andrew. I temporarily stole all the cutest puppies.
I don’t really know what else to do.